March 2012
39 posts
“To write poetry and to commit suicide, apparently so contradictory, had really...”
– John Fowles, The Magus (via portionsofeternity)
I’ve been given a third different type of anti-sad pills, my GP referred me to a psychiatrist and I have to start therapy soon. Since it’s been a year from diagnosis it all feels like a bit of a cycle now. I still don’t really feel like there’s any real prospect of me getting to a stage where I can be completely away from all these pills and doctor’s appointments.
2 sad 2 b gd
I would rather be alone than pretend I feel alright.
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to...”
– Jack Kerouac (via mickeyscrumble)
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i tried to be an artist in my torture or a muse in my longing but neither of those are really working out for me
a n x i e ty
an x i e t y
engulfing
i can see the lighthouse but not the rocks
“Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to...”
– Mary Oliver (via forbiddenalleys)
I could get more drugs on a higher dosage so I can stop feeling so weary, stop crying all the time and become brave but I’m too scared of the doctors now anyway and besides at least I feel something even if it’s a massive gap inside me leaking constantly.
(although right now I think it’d be better to be numb because I’ve got copious amounts of impending work that...
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I’m too tired to drive anyway, anyway right now do you care if I stayed? You can put on your bathing suits and I’ll try to find something on this thing that means nothing enough.
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“It’s a disease. Nobody thinks or feels or cares any more; nobody gets...”
– Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
I’m too dumb and fragmentary for real life.
i thought my life would get easier, instead it’s getting darker, instead it’s getting colder
That girl should’ve been a mansion.